home-coming of i

The Homecoming of I:

Thoughts, feelings, and sensations can often be a source of distraction and disturbance. This tends to be due to the fact that attention is focused upon the ‘content’ of such functions, and this ‘content’ is then generally ‘reacted’ to at the level of a form of ‘judgement’. Attention can be directed to the ‘being’ of these functions, the ‘being’ of the ‘content’ itself. Attention is directed to the underlying ‘substance’ of these different functions and their content or activity.

Each of these functions is an expression of a form of ‘contact’, essentially a form of ‘contact’ with oneself. We can open up to the essence of this ‘contact’ itself, such that we may fully experience its nature. In this experience, the functions and their activity are no longer a source of concern and disturbance, as one has become united with their essential nature. The functions and their activity may then be a source of ‘Bliss’, and may be experienced as a form of ‘Holy Communion’.

Attention can be directed to investigate this essential form of ‘contact’ that expresses in these different functions and their various activities or content. This is the exploration of ‘intimacy’, ‘self-intimacy’ or intimacy with oneself. We can inquire into ‘what it is’ that is continually being expressed in this form of contact with oneself. We may come to hear the message beneath the noise so to speak. We may also liken this process to ‘becoming whole’, as we enter into the singular essence that expresses through the various functions and their activities, and all diversity is embraced in and by the same singular Unity.

It appears that in general we do live ‘divided within ourselves’, and we are constantly ‘taking up arms against ourselves’. This is to say that we seem to ‘agitate ourselves’ by our own functioning, and hence we can feel ‘subjected to’ our own various functions. Our general form of attention seems to facilitate this experience of inner division and conflict, as it operates according to a certain form of ‘separation’;- where things are always experienced ‘partially’ and ‘at a distance’. In this sense, it appears that we tend to live in ‘fear’ of ourselves, merely experiencing the surface content of our functions and experiencing it at a distance.

The acquired conditioning and shocks that we have undergone from childhood tend to produce a state of disturbance, and one where attention remains limited to the surface of our being. We tend to adopt a certain form of ‘self management’ or the ‘management of experience’, and this is informed according to the various ‘fears’ that we have acquired. Instead of the word ‘fear’ we could also perhaps here use the word ‘duty’. This is to say that the attention remains caught up in managing or approaching experience from a certain angle. In the general form of schooling, for example, we are told to ‘pay attention’ or else we may be punished. In the social field, we find that we may need to be aware and manage our experience and manifestations in case they ‘betray us’ in such a way that leads to stigmatization or social exclusion etc. The whole corpus of experiences of the general life tends to produce this form of surface attention and self-management;- which is essentially based upon the duality of ‘good and bad’ and is generally orientated outside of oneself. Concerns of physical and social suffering and self-preservation tend to dominate the attention, and this produces the form of division within oneself and limits consciousness to the surface of the being and the mode of self-management.

Instead of being a source of nourishment, the whole body of acquired experience tends to become a factor of resistance, inhibiting a deeper experience and embrace of oneself. To begin to ‘come back to one’s senses’, and put ‘Humpty Dumpty back together again’, can require an intentional effort in the way previously mentioned;- such that there is an effort made in order to come to re-embrace the totality of one’s experience and functions. This can begin in the mentioned way, in terms of the exploration into the essential form of ‘contact’ that underlies all experience of the functions and their activity. This is an exploration of ‘self-intimacy’ and an inquiry into the very ‘essence’ and ‘being’ of experience itself.

This inquiry can take time and can meet resistance in the way of the acquired habits of partial resitance and experiential management. This concerns the habitual reactions of self-judgement and the judgement of experience;- which has come to form a surface crust over our deeper being, our very own ‘inner tyrant’ who has come to be formed in the image of others and the various conditioning experiences that we have undergone.

To possibly aid in begining this exploration of self-intimacy, we can use the ‘heart centre’ as a point of focus. We can use the ‘heart centre’ as the primary ‘point’ of contact with all and every experience. Attention can be brought to the heart and established there, and from this centre we may open such as to embrace all and every experience. We can use the heart centre as a means to explore the essential nature of ‘contact’ which is itself the underlying essence and being of all experience. After all, the heart is the seat of ‘intimacy’ and ’embrace’, ‘union’ and ‘communion’, relation to self and relation to other.

We may use the heart as the alchemical vessel and container whereby experience itself may be transmuted and transformed. The acquired tendencies and habits that prop up the surface mode of attention and consciousness may be dissolved through the ‘fire’ of the heart. Such a ‘fire’ is merely the ‘knowing’ and ‘being’ of unity;- the singular underlying essence and being of all experiential phenomena, and hence the heart can ‘reduce all to ashes’;-meaning that surface appearances and differences may be divested of their various clothing, to reveal the same naked essence.

The heart is the seat of unity and wholeness itself, and hence it is the heart that guards the ‘inner santum’ or ‘inner Holy Temple’ where no ‘fo-reinger’ may tread. Our essential unity and individuality may be reclaimed by passing experience, and our very selves, through the ‘eye of the needle’ which is the ‘test’ of the heart itself. A new mode of being and consciousness may be born by turning, and re-turning, to the centre within, the very centre of the centre from which all difference and multiplicity emerges and into which it resolves. Such is the action of Purgation, and none may become a ‘True Son or Daughter of God’ without undergoing this Holy purgation.